Romance of the Three Kingdoms
by Luo Guanzhong
Romance of the Three Kingdoms is a retelling of the events that transpired following the collapse of the Han dynasty in China at the end of the 1st century A.D. The characters, battles, and large-scale events are largely historical, though much of it has been fictionalized for dramatic effect over the years.
Skep's Romance of the Three Kingdoms is a retelling of that retelling, which breaks all 120 chapters down into more easily-digestible chunks so that a normal person can actually read them all. Also, this book contains something close to 1,000 named characters. Most of them are not relevant, and just like in Homer's works, many are only alive for a total of five seconds. Thus I'll only be referring to these folks by name when they're important or to otherwise avoid confusion.
Content warning: This book depicts acts of war, violence, and an extremely patriarchal society, along with all the baggage that comes along with each of these. Due to the large number of chapters and repeated themes, individual chapters will not receve specific content warnings.
Last Updated: November 19, 2024
- Chapter 1: The Peach Boys
- Chapter 2: Magic-Nullifying Pig Innards
- Chapter 3: Daddy Switching
- Chapter 4: Depression Party
- Chapter 5: Starve Your Allies
- Chapter 6: An Important Rubber Stamp
- Chapter 7: Protagonistic Mortality
- Chapter 8: Outrunning Your Halberd
- Chapter 9: Love Triangle Politics
- Chapter 10: Fatal Hospitality
- Chapter 11: Musical Saviors
- Chapter 12: Pulling Cow Tails
- Chapter 13: DoorDash Banquet
- Chapter 14: Selective Obedience
- Chapter 15: Jock Jams
- Map 1: Warlords at the End of the Han
- Chapter 16: The Sex Whoopsie
- Chapter 17: Scapegoat the Grain Guy
- Chapter 18: Loyalty and Emo
- Chapter 19: Fatal Hospitality 2 Electric BoogaLiu
- Chapter 20: The Emperor's First Hunt
- Chapter 21: Chopstick Falsehoods
- Chapter 22: Long-Forgotten Friends
- Chapter 23: Poor Hiring Choices
- Chapter 24: Prophetic Flagpoles
- Chapter 25: A Brand New Dress
- Chapter 26: No Time for Goodbyes
- Chapter 27: Hopping the Border
- Chapter 28: Hopping the Border a Few More Times
- Chapter 29: Deadline to Downpour
- Chapter 30: Tattletale Horses
- Chapter 31: More Couch Surfing
- Chapter 32: Takes Yuan to Know Yuan
- Chapter 33: Three Brothers Die (no not those)
- Chapter 34: Backup Poetry
- Chapter 35: Be a Good Boy
- Chapter 36: Letters to Old Ladies
- Chapter 37: House Calls to a Dragon
- Chapter 38: The Grand Plan
- Chapter 39: A Brooklyn Accent
- Chapter 40: Wine or Death
- Chapter 41: What's Wrong, Lassie?
- Chapter 42: End Zone Celebration
- Chapter 43 / Red Cliffs Part 1: The Meeting
- Chapter 44 / Red Cliffs Part 2: The Pact
- Chapter 45 / Red Cliffs Part 3: The Opening Plays
- Chapter 46 / Red Cliffs Part 4: The Plan
- Chapter 47 / Red Cliffs Part 5: The Setup
- Chapter 48 / Red Cliffs Part 6: The Pride...
- Chapter 49 / Red Cliffs Part 7: ...The Fall
- Chapter 50 / Red Cliffs Part 8: The Flight
- Chapter 51: Armchair General
- Chapter 52: Jing Cleanup Crew
- Chapter 53: Ominously Vague Warnings
- Chapter 54: Meeting the In-Laws
- Chapter 55: Escaping the Honeymoon
- Chapter 56: Bullseyes for Everybody
- Chapter 57: Procrastinating into Promotion
- Chapter 58: Implausible Mail Networks
- Chapter 59: Idle Chit-Chat
- Chapter 60: Don't Trust the Hero
- Chapter 61: Dance-Off of Death
- Chapter 62: Vroom Vroom
- Chapter 63: Check Google Maps Beforehand
- Chapter 64: Skep Goes On Side Tangents
- Chapter 65: The Heroic Betrayal Pays Off
- Map 2: Faction Map, 214 CE
- Chapter 66: Odes to Randos
- Chapter 67: Sun Quan Gets Jing Back. Kinda. Ish.
- Chapter 68: The Case of the Empty Orange
- Chapter 69: Nice.
- Chapter 70: Call In the Retirees
- Chapter 71: Getting Sidetracked on the Way to War
- Chapter 72: Put Away the Damn Label Maker
- Chapter 73: The Peasant Who Would Be King
- Chapter 74: Bring Your Own Coffin
- Chapter 75: Outpatient Procedures
- Chapter 76: Full Mail Sack
- Chapter 77: This Chapter Has Flaws
- Chapter 78: Don't Get an Education
- Chapter 79: Pacing Issues
- Chapter 80: Everyone's an Emperor These Days
- Chapter 81: So Much for Zhang Fei's Character Arc
- Chapter 82: Please Take Your Wife Back
- Chapter 83: I Have the Speaking Sword Right Now
- Chapter 84: Xuns Before Sons
- Chapter 85: The Five-Army Problem
- Chapter 86: Fry 'Em Up
- Chapter 87: Skip to Chapter 91
- Chapter 88: ...So Did Zhuge Liang Have the Drugs On Him Already?
- Chapter 89: *checks watch*
- Chapter 90: Seventh Time's the Charm
- Chapter 91: Head-ing on Home
- Chapter 92: The Mailman's Credentials
- Chapter 93: We Ruined Your Life, Now Come Work For Us
- Chapter 94: Bureaucracy Will Protect Me
- Chapter 95: Hungry Hungry Shuppos
- Chapter 96: Execution for You, Pay Cut for Me
- Chapter 97: Go Ahead and Cancel the War
- Chapter 98: Zhuge Liang is a Lying, Time-Bending Piece of Shit
- Chapter 99: Rain, Rain, Go Away
- Chapter 100: How Aren't We Always Expecting an Ambush At This Point
- Chapter 101: Spooky Season
- Chapter 102: Cowmobiles
- Chapter 103: Fire Can Solve All My Problems
- Chapter 104: When You Wish Upon a Star
- Chapter 105: I'll Make These Events Fit My Narrative Somehow