Chapter 49: Much Ado Over Little Ado
After many long chapters of sitting and waiting to find out what the heck is happening with Lydia and Mr. Wickham, the Bennets finally receive a letter from their uncle. It says:
"Okay we finally found the shitbags. Wickham had no intention of marrying your girl, but he's decided he'll do it anyway if you send Lydia a small yearly allowance and guarantee not to use this as an excuse to write her out of your will. No need to come back out, I'll handle the paperwork."
Jane and Elizabeth are simply relieved that their social standing will largely survive this drama. Mr. Bennet, on the other hand, wonders with some anxiety at what their uncle must have spent to buy Wickham off, because these demands are laughably paltry. He even jokes that, with what Lydia's shopping sprees cost when she was under his roof, he'll probably break even after this whole ordeal is done. No, he knows Wickham isn't stupid enough to marry Lydia for nothing; and though his brother-in-law is a businessman, paying off the villain would be a substantial hit to the bank account.
Well, at least Mrs. Bennet is happy one of her daughters is getting married. Turns out the whole situation is a lot more fun if you ignore how the family was nearly ruined by scandal. And how Wickham is a two-faced snake. And how Lydia is an unrepentant narcissist. And their marriage is likely to turn miserable quickly. Oh, happy day, indeed!