Chapter 31: Much Ado About Fingering
Lady Catherine invites Elizabeth and the Collinses back over for dinner, mostly because she can't get any better company that evening (that's not me saying it, that's the book saying it). Elizabeth and Darcy's cousin start getting a little flirty, but since I'm not referring to the guy by name, I think you can guess how far it's going to go.
After hearing them whispering to themselves for a bit, Lady Catherine butts in, asking, hey, what are you all talking about over there? I demand to take part in every conversation! And then, on learning that the two had been discussing music, Lady Catherine goes, oh, I can talk about that! Nobody likes music more than me, I have the greatest taste in bands. I saw Nirvana live in Seattle years before they released Nevermind, you know. In fact, if I ever learned to play the ol' six-string, you would have unlocked achievements for making it all the way through my songs in Guitar Hero. My daughter would be the same way, of course, if she was healthy enough to even hold a guitar. Otherwise she'd be practicing all the time. I'm always telling young ladies they should be practicing their music all the time so they can perform well. Miss Bennet here wouldn't be so shit at playing if she practiced more often.
Although he says nothing, this does cause Mr. Darcy to make the same face Elizabeth does whenever her mother is talking.
Darcy's cousin wants to hear Elizabeth play the piano, though; so she does, and soon Mr. Darcy sits next to her, because it's better than sitting next to Lady Catherine. Elizabeth teases him a bit, saying, I know you've come over here to intimidate me and compare my playing to your sister's, but I'm not letting you get to me, so neener neener. In turn, Mr. Darcy says he's not even going to bother arguing whenever she insults his character anymore because he's spent enough time with her to know that she's simply a dirty liar.
Elizabeth just laughs at this and figures, well, if you're going to bad-mouth me in front of your family, I'm just going to have to retaliate. Hey Darcy's cousin, did you know that when Mr. Darcy first came to my town, we were having a ball, and he didn't dance with any of the ladies even though there weren't enough men to go around?
Mr. Darcy replies that he totally would have, but he'd never been introduced to any of them before; but Elizabeth calls him out on this, since half the point of a ball is to meet people. The cousin suggests Mr. Darcy just can't be bothered introducing himself to the common rabble, but Mr. Darcy pushes back, saying, I'm an introvert you ass, I'm not good at talking to strangers.
Elizabeth tells him, well, I'm apparently shit at playing the piano, but that's only because I don't practice. Mr. Darcy smiles and admits she has a point, although notes that she doesn't play the piano for strangers, either.
Then Lady Catherine realizes she's been written out of the last few paragraphs and wants back in on the conversation. Elizabeth goes back to playing, whereupon Lady Catherine begins to remark that she wouldn't be quite so shit at playing if she practiced more and maybe got a tutor, although she'd still never be as good as her daughter would have been if she wasn't too frail to play.
Elizabeth waits to hear Mr. Darcy's agreeable assessment of Miss de Bourgh's nonexistent skills, but he says nothing. This amuses Elizabeth, who thinks, wow, maybe Miss Bingley has a chance after all.