Three Kingdoms: The Lost Chapter
AKA Skep sees what happens when he plugs his Three Kingdoms summary into an AI writing tool and asks it to generate more
Zhuge Liang is like, hey, you know what would be funny? If I made a really long poem and we printed a bunch of copies and then I just scattered them everywhere. So that's what he does.
Then, when Cao Cao finds them, Zhuge Liang is all, aaaah, I didn't write those! It must be Liu Bei. I don't know what he's doing but whatever it is, I had nothing to do with it. Cao Cao isn't totally buying it, so Zhuge Liang makes an example of the guy who actually did write them.
Meanwhile, Guan Yu is holding a bunch of the Riverlands. He has his own place in Jing, and he also controls some other cities in the region, which we've been referring to as "Shu" but are not technically part of the empire yet. He's in the process of expanding his reach to take control of all the territories of the Riverlands.
A guy named Zhang Ren is in charge of an important city, and he figures, well, if Liu Bei's going to try and take my city, I guess I should probably put up a fight. But Liu Bei just sort of ignores him.
Then Guan Yu tries to go around the city and take some other towns. Zhang Ren asks him, wait, hang on, you're not even trying to siege me, why do you get the rest of my land? Guan Yu tells him, dude, just surrender and nobody has to get hurt.
But Zhang Ren is like, naw, I'mma fight you, because that's what I do. Guan Yu shrugs and says, well, your funeral, and he attacks. But Zhang Ren's troops are super disciplined, and he puts up a good fight, and he even manages to trap a few thousand of Guan Yu's troops.
So Guan Yu decides, oh hey, let's have a duel and see if I can turn the tide of this battle. And Zhang Ren is like, that's a stupid idea but I'm game.
Zhang Ren charges forward, and with a "yoink!", grabs Guan Yu's weapon, and throws it aside. Then Zhang Ren says, haha, now we're on even footing.
Guan Yu, though, is not impressed. He's like, hey, this is cool, but have you considered... a giant mace?
He then proceeds to hit Zhang Ren with a gigantic spiked club, killing him instantly. Then, in a moment of unnecessary cruelty, he has his men cut Zhang Ren's body into five pieces and send them home.
It is here, at the end of this chapter, that we are given a description of the famous Green Dragon, the weapon of Guan Yu that he's carried since the very beginning. And the first thing that catches my eye is this:
"Its shaft was seven feet long, and the head was six inches round."
Six inches.
I'm not going to go into the math on how big that is, but I will say that it is not small. It is a fucking enormous mace.