Chapter 3: Daddy Switching
The man who responds to He Jin's request to bring in an army against the Ten(ish) Eunuchs is Dong Zhuo. You might remember him as the guy who snubbed Liu Bei after he got his ass saved from Yellow Turbans.
But before he enters the capital with his troops, Dong Zhuo's advisor suggests he should get permission through official channels and legitimatize the move, so he doesn't seem like a despot or something. Even though I'm pretty sure he was invited? I'll never understand imperial China.
He Jin receives the request for permission and brings the matter up to the city magistrates (even though it was his idea? What is happening here?), and both of them reply, "Dong Zhuo? Hahahahahahaha no." Except He Jin pushes it through anyway. Seriously, why are we even consulting with anybody.
Also, one of the themes you'll notice throughout this book is that if you're ever given any sort of advice from anybody, you goddamn take it. You will regret it if you don't.
Anyway, we'll get back to Dong Zhuo later. At this point, the Nine Eunuchs get wind of what's going on and realize they're in a lot of trouble here. Back to Empress He they go, asking her to call He Jin in for a visit.
When he receives the summons, Yuan Shao and Cao Cao tell He Jin, this is so obviously a trap, they're going to kill you to get you out of the way. He Jin, however, is somehow skeptical that the people he's plainly trying to execute would ever try to murder him, so he decides to go anyway. I do not know how you come to this conclusion when there is literally an army sitting outside the city that was summoned specifically to execute the eunuchs, seriously, they can't possibly miss it. But whatever.
Cao Cao and Yuan Shao at least insist on accompanying He Jin along with an armed retinue if he's going to be that damn stubborn. He does agree to this, at least; except when they arrive at the Empress's estate, the guy out front goes "uh, He Jin was requested to come alone."
And everybody else looks at each other while shrugging and says, "well, damn, I guess he's got us there."
Predictably, that's the end of He Jin.
As a show of victory, the leader of the Nine Eunuchs tosses He Jin's head off the balcony down at Yuan Shao and Cao Cao, and they are SO OVER this crap. They rush in and start killing eunuchs like they should have been doing a whole chapter ago (or even ten seconds ago). In the chaos, a few of the eunuchs manage to escape and flee the city, on the way grabbing Emperor Bian and his brother Prince Xie under the pretense of protecting the boys from the coup. This isn't enough; the imperial guard catches up to them before too long, more eunuchs are slain, and the boys are recovered, and everything is fine forever.
...Uhhhhhhh except they run into Dong Zhuo on the way back. Now, they do all say "Thank goodness Dong Zhuo is here!", but this is the last time anybody will ever be thankful to see him.
Amidst all this activity, Dong Zhuo gets to meet the kids, and he actually finds Prince Xie to be bolder and more personable than Emperor Bian, so he takes a particular liking to Xie.
And he starts to go, hmmmmm now.
Xie would make a better emperor, wouldn't he? Maaaaybe I should depose Bian and put Xie on the throne.
(With no other ulterior motives, surely.)
Anyway, he brings up the idea to a bunch of ministers later, and they all share a hearty laugh at this preposterous idea. At least, they do until Dong Zhuo pulls out a sword and says, for real though, I'll mess you all up unless you do this.
However, he backs down when he sees the bodyguard of Ding Yuan, one of the ministers. This guy is jacked and carries a dual-bladed halberd.
This is Lu Bu.
For reference here, in any game I've ever played based on this story, Lu Bu terrifies the shit out of me. Every time. Because he's so damn powerful.
Even Dong Zhuo is cowed for now; but he's a schemer, and he decides that he'd be unstoppable if he could get Lu Bu working for him. He sends an advisor to bribe the warrior, and offers him Red Hare, the fastest horse in the land (and a bunch of treasure, because why not). Lu Bu tells the advisor, well, I shouldn't because this guy I'm with is my adopted father... but I'm kind of not that into it. So he kills Ding Yuan and defects to Dong Zhuo, who adopts Lu Bu as his own son.
Now, if you're thinking about how a person cheats on their partner with someone else, and then breaks up with the partner, and that someone else is like yeah, but they wouldn't cheat on me... and you're wondering if that's going to apply here? Very relevant question.