Chapter 56: Much Ado About Marrying Cousins
We pick back up about a week after Jane and Mr. Bingley get engaged with a huge and immediate shift in tone: as the Bennets are relaxing after breakfast one morning, a carriage pulls up to the house. And Lady Catherine de Bourgh steps out.
You remember, the incredibly rich lady that Mr. Collins worked for. Darcy's aunt. Yeah. That Lady Catherine. And the Bennets are pretty much like... the hell is she doing here all of a sudden? She never even met most of us.
They invite Lady Catherine in, and there's some polite introductions and less-polite critiquing of the house. It gets awkward. Thankfully, when it reaches peak awkward, Lady Catherine gets down to business and tells Elizabeth to come walk outside with her so they can "have a chat".
When they're alone, Lady Catherine says, "I'm sure you know why I'm here."
Elizabeth tells her, "I don't have a fucking clue."
This frustrates Lady Catherine, who is pretty sure Elizabeth is just playing dumb; but SHE'S not afraid to speak her honest mind (as though that was ever in doubt). So she tells Elizabeth, I heard about your sister and Bingley, big deal, who cares. But then I heard rumors that you'd be engaged soon, too. To Mr. Darcy. Although obviously there's not even a remote chance this is true. I just need to hear it from you.
Elizabeth asks, if there's no way that it's true, why did you bother coming all the way here? Aren't people going to see that you came here and think, oh, it must be true then?
Lady Catherine calls her out for dodging the question and asks straight up, did Mr. Darcy propose to you?
Of course, he did; but Elizabeth doesn't want to tell Lady Catherine this, and pleading the fifth would pretty much be an admission of guilt anyway. So she keeps deflecting with the skill of an expert politician until Lady Catherine lets slip that Mr. Darcy can't marry Elizabeth, because he's supposed to marry her daughter, this has been in the works for many many years, and it would go against everybody's interests and all sense of propriety if this marriage didn't happen because Mr. Darcy got hitched to somebody else.
Elizabeth is like... okay but that ain't my problem.
Then Lady Catherine tries the classist route, saying the he and she aren't in equal social spheres... except technically they are since both Mr. Darcy and Mr. Bennet are landowners, even if her family is on the poorer end, and even if her lineage isn't quite as impressive as that of the de Bourghs; so like... tough shit? That argument falls flat pretty quickly.
So Lady Catherine is getting pretty agitated with this game and again asks for an honest answer: are you engaged to Mr. Darcy?
Elizabeth can't think of a clever deflection here; but with the phrasing of the question altered slightly, it's safe to admit that no, she's not.
Then Lady Catherine asks, do you promise never to become engaged to Mr. Darcy?
And Elizabeth goes, eeehhhh... no?
Lady Catherine has about had it at this point, and she says, listen, I'm not leaving until you PROMISE me that you're going to stay out of my plans. But Elizabeth is getting fed up too, and she replies, why is it all on me to "preserve the honor" and shit? Isn't Darcy doing the proposing? Shouldn't you be having this conversation with him?
Unsurprisingly, this doesn't deter Lady Catherine, who now says, listen, I heard about what went down with Lydia and Mr. Wickham; and you want to associate my good nephew with all your family's shitty drama? You think that's fair?
So Elizabeth tells her, look, yeah they're shitty, but they're my family, and despite your high station, you haven't earned the right to talk about them that way. And you don't get to talk about me that way, either. So I'm going to do what I want. Now get the fuck out of my house.