A Sticky Conundrum
Today, my wife brought home a new water bottle. This is not an unusal occurrence; some new variety of portable drinking vessel—a water bottle, a travel mug, a thermos—enters our house approximately every five months or so. We do not buy these items (goodness knows we have enough already); they just somehow appear. At least, they do for her.
I, on the other hand, have been religiously using the same bottle and travel mug for the better part of five years, because I do not obtain new ones. So all of the new drinkware in our household comes curtousy of my wife, who, I must reiterate, is not buying it. I can only draw two conclusions from this:
- –The universe continues to bless my wife with a bounty of assorted liquid containers, OR
- –The universe has deemed me unworthy of its gifts for reasons unknown to myself.
This story does not end there. Once a vessel joins the family, my wife customizes it with stickers. Usually around three to five stickers per cup. Of course, we do not buy stickers. I don't think anybody buys stickers. One minute, you have no stickers, and are not thinking about stickers, and the next minute, you have stickers. I don't make the laws of physics, which clearly state that something cannot be made from nothing, except for stickers.
The bestickered bottle.
But as with the drinkware, I accrue stickers at a rate of about one sticker per year. I definitely do not accrue stickers at a rate that would enable me to fully deck out a new water bottle every few months.
Again, I must ask: did I marry the Queen of Swag, a goddess whose footsteps bring harvests of stickers to the good people of Earth? Or have I been doomed to live a sticker-less existence by some cruel deity who I have managed to upset?
Not that I even want the stickers, but I am human, and as such I cannot sit idly by when other people receive free things and I do not.
Shoutout to my lovely wife. May she be forever blessed with cute cat stickers for putting up with my routine nonsense.